UNTITLED

There is a candle beside me lighting the darkness of night

Everything which surrounds me was not so clear in my sight

There is a sentimental song playing in my ears

For some reasons, it turns my smile into tears

I started to stare on my shadow in the wall

There is a steady and gloomy reflection of my all

The quietness slowly invades my mind and my heart

It removes the confidence and style of my life’s art

Why this fearful night has to come?

The empty feeling now reached my palm

Cold sweat and painful tear was combined

And my soul was already left behind

How long will it takes?

Just to end all my fears and heartaches?

Does an overnight will do?

Or it needs a lifetime of missing you?

What Does It Mean to Put God First?

It's a cliché we hear all the time, but what would it look like if we actually did it?

By Marcella Purnama
August 29, 2012

http://www.relevantmagazine.com

Imagine a typical day for a twentysomething Christian. She wakes up to her ringtone alarm, checks her email and notifications and hits snooze. She utters a one-minute prayer to cover all her bases—thank You, bless this, ask for that, amen—and rushes to the shower.

By 9 a.m., she's clocked into work at the office or heading to class, praying for the weekend to come sooner. During lunchtime, she meets with her friends while trying to steal some time to look at Facebook.

And from then until she hits the pillow, her day is filled with meeting deadlines, doing chores and errands and generally trying to keep on top of things before another day is over.

Sound familiar?

Life is not easy for today's generation. There's too little time and too many tasks. We need to study, work, keep up on house chores, socialize and relax at the same time.

The question is, where should we put God in the equation?

As Christians, we know at a head level that God should take first priority in our lives. He comes first, and everything else is secondary. And even thinking of Christ as a “priority” doesn't come close to the reality that He is King—over every detail of our daily lives. Yet how often is He our waking thought each morning? How often do we reach for our phones instead?

The virtual world is alluring. It claims to offer everything: pleasure, entertainment, education, socialization and even spiritual growth. At some point, though, we enter into information overload.

Everyone's trying, begging, fighting or pleading to get just 10 seconds of our attention, promising a valuable product, service or information in return.

Yet while each of these input channels fights for our attention in our overworked brains, so does God. But unlike them, God doesn’t remind us of His presence with an ad or a convenient notification. He’s always there for us, but we have to decide to come to Him.

While technology has brought humanity to the next level, it has also altered our values. Emails and texts make our prayer lives more distracted. Endless facts and data make us more skeptical of truth. And when you can just pick up the phone and talk to a loved one in an instant, what's the use of coming to God first?

In a fast-moving world, what grabs our attention is that which is faster, better and brighter. We are accustomed to instant answers and results. We are masters at multi-tasking, trying to get everything done in our own grand timing.

Why is it that it’s only when something’s gone wrong—or there’s nothing else to do—that we finally turn to God?

We might then wait for His answers, but not for long. Unconsciously, we give Him a deadline. It’s difficult for us to put our faster-is-better mentality on hold while we wait for God's guidance. The best time to do anything is now, so why wait—right?

More often, we expect God to mold into our own lives and schedules. It's no longer us who need to adapt to His ways—it's Him who needs to adapt to ours, we think. 

The truth is, the virtual world would do just fine without you. But you would not do just fine without God. There will always be one more snippet of information to absorb online. But are there really harsh consequences for missing those updates? If we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes it’s easier to miss a week’s worth of devotions, of time spent checking in with our heavenly Father and listening for His voice and guidance.

The digital world has enough news and opportunities to get anyone hooked. And it can be a great and wonderful thing within proper boundaries. But even when it’s not, we can’t blame technology for our spiritual neglect. If consulting God first is not in our daily agenda, even without Facebook and YouTube, we will simply find other things to tend first.

Perhaps it’s time we readjust our faith from turning to God when it’s convenient to recovering our lost fear of the Lord. We show Him we don't fear Him every time we prioritize other things first.

So, how do we recover a lost fear of the Lord? By seeking Him. By intentionally pursuing Him first in our daily actions—from the moment our alarm goes off until we fall asleep again. By praying and asking for His guidance not only when things go wrong, but on every occasion. By encountering Him through His Word and listening to how He wants us to live it every day.

God is not a back-up plan but the Planner of life itself. And as we slowly change our daily habits to recognize this, we will slowly reshape our priorities and recharge our faith.

A Part of Me: Fears from the Past

What we experienced in our childhood days has always an impact in our own personality. Sometimes it is good but sometimes it is bad. It always contributes to what we are yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

As a child, I also had the cutest, happiest and extraordinary experiences. From riding in a carousel to playing paper dolls, from getting one’s snack to bullying one’s friend and from asking so many questions to realizing it on my own. 

But, every children has their own stories… it is not always happy and exciting sometimes it is fearful and traumatic. Experiences which made me like this, fears which trapped me and prevent me in exploring and expressing the real me.

These things were the part of me… the part of me which says that I have…

Fear of Rejection

When I was on my adolescence stage, the people around me always make me feel that I was not enough to be accepted. I was always compared to others and ended up like a “no choice” option. I always feel that I was good for nothing that is why most of them reject me. I had a hard time searching myself but my mind and heart was too young to understand all those things.

Since then, I had that fear… fear to be rejected. I never had the confidence to express my own because I’m afraid that the past may repeat itself and I will end up asking myself “why?” 

Fear of Embarrassment

As far as I remember, I was in the fourth grade when I had a trauma... they were staring at me, their eyes teased me, their laughter criticized me and their words embarrassed me. I don’t know what to do and how to overcome that nightmare. 

Since then, I became more careful… the way I think, the way I talk and the way I act. I prevent myself from talking and doing if I don’t know that specific matter.

I always put in my mind that “less talk, less mistake.”

Fear of Angry Voices

I was only six years old when I had this experience. My father shouted in front of me… with mad voice and angry stare. In my young age, I was afraid… extremely afraid. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t move. I was in the corner of our room, crying and staring on my father’s face. 

So when I heard people talking or shouting with anger, I find it hard to breathe, the uneasiness and fear will suddenly embraced me and worst I will end up crying in one corner. 

 

Today, I am not getting any younger but, there is still a part of me which is young and flimsy. There is still a part of me longing and seeking for love, attention and appreciation. 

I always say to myself that I’m already twenty, so I must learn to overcome my fears but how will I be able to do this if my fears repeat itself from today?